There are things that happen, that call for a re-evaluation of who I am. I don’t often think I’m stupid, but it’s just one of those days where something goes wrong, and at the end of the day there really isn’t any other option. Right now I hate who I am and I would do anything to just… stop being me. It should be easy to do, but it’s not. In this day and age, humans should be allowed to hook ourselves up to a computer and just re-program our thought processes. If we think there’s something wrong, why not change it with the click of a button? It’d be so much easier. I wouldn’t have to spend days upon days experiencing emotional overdose. But instead, here I am.

There must have been a point in time when I strayed from the path of “right” and meandered my way onto the path of “not-right.” I’m tired of looking back on my past to try to find that moment. I’m tired. I’m so tired.

About two years ago, I started crying. Not to say I never cried before then, but there was a distinct happening that brought upon the crying. Since then, I started crying because of little things, big things, everything. Always in the safety of privacy, rarely in the presence of others… and much too often. I need to get a hold of myself. Somehow, I lost that important piece of self-control, and myself (and some others, I’m sure) would really like if it was once again in my possession. I need to find it.

I would like to be someone that is not stupid. I’m sick of making dumb mistakes and silly assumptions. I hate the word silly.

I am weak, but I would like to find strength. Please lend me your strength.
I am anxious, but I would like to be patient. Please teach me your patience.
I am naive, but I need to mature. Help me grow.
I am lost. For myself, by myself, I need to find my way.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 20th, 2009 at 3:28 am and is filed under personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.