This weekend, as a participant of Dance Marathon, I represented the fight against pediatric AIDS. I joined 727 other dancers and took a literal 26 hour stand against the discrimination against children with HIV/AIDS, supporting the cause to raise awareness about the HIV/AIDS virus, and to be part of the change we need. During my 26 hours of dancing, I met the children for whom we’re raising money, and learned about how we dancers, with our fund raising, are doing our part to deter the AIDS pandemic. I learned that a mere eight dollars is enough for one dose of nevirapine, an antiretroviral drug that halves the rate of mother-to-baby transmission of AIDS.

Dance Marathon has definitely been a life-changing experience for me. The emotional tiredness and physical pain that I endured was nothing compared to what children diagnosed with HIV/AIDS feel every day of their lives. At the event, kids from the camps came to talk to us, and to me, their strength was amazing. I learned so much about what I never knew, and without DM, I would still be ignorant about how children all over the world do not have a choice but to hide their status, be afraid, and be hurt. As they spoke to us, it was obvious how much our support meant to them.

The theme of this year’s Dance Marathon was Love. And it’s true - the entire Ackerman Grand Ballroom full of dancers was equally full of love. Completely unconditional love for the cause, for each other, for the children. I was amazed by the energy that everyone was able to acquire because of the motivation we had to make our statement.

At the end of the 26 hours, the statistics were announced to us: 728 dancers and more than 1200 moralers raised a total of $362,741.94. I am so proud of myself and my peers for being part of Dance Marathon this year, for being part of this revolution against HIV/AIDS.

Be aware. Know your HIV status. Spread the word. Give love, and care for what matters.

Thank you.

When there’s a cure, we’ll dance for joy; Until then, we’ll dance for life.

Last month, my PC was infected by a virus, and after a few weeks of attempting to fix it, it eventually just passed out on me. When I went home this weekend, I dug out my Windows XP install so I could bring it back and completely restore my Windows to get rid of the virus. Thankfully I didn’t keep much on my desktop (except for my music archive, but those are mostly songs I don’t like, anyway). After a few hours of reinstalling Windows and fixing the Internet, it’s finally up and running again! I had to install a silly thing for UCLA’s Internet security thing, but besides that, the only programs on my refreshed PC are Google Chrome, AIM, MSN, and a trial version of Adobe Acrobat. I can’t install CS3 because I don’t have the activation key anymore (I couldn’t deactivate before my computer crashed for the final time) nor do I have the install CDs with me.

But anyway, the point of this blog… starts from last Friday. I accompanied my friend Dennis to Ralph’s to buy chocolate and strawberries (and the like) for his girlfriend’s Valentine’s Day present. Nghiem and I dealt with the rainy weather for the adventure, which resulted (on my part) in the purchase of two Cara Cara oranges, one cactus pear, and two bags of chocolate. Milky Way Midnights and Hershey’s Hugs. I didn’t have time to cut/nom the oranges before I left Los Angeles for home on Saturday, so they sat in my fridge, waiting for my return. Today, almost a week later, I remembered them and rinsed them (Asian obsession with cleanliness) before cutting.

So like, the first time I bought this type (breed? selection?) of orange was sometime last year, from the Farmer’s Market in Westwood. They. Were. Delicious. After two bites they became my favorite type of orange, scoring points way over Clementine’s. They haven’t disappointed me yet.

But getting back on track of my story. Which, by the way, isn’t really a story. I turned on my computer to look up online, “How to cut an orange.” I mean, I know how to cut an orange, but what’s the best way? The only minus point of Cara Cara oranges is in it’s navel - what are you supposed to do when you cut it in slices, and one slice has the annoyingly shaped navel in the way? It takes away from the juiciness because of its (dare I say it?) grain boundaries, and that single bite is less amazing than the rest. So first thing I do when I open up my newly installed Chrome (which, by the way, is pretty nice) is to try to find the best way to cut an orange.

After like, an entire five minutes of looking up videos, I decided that nobody knows the best way. I’d call my mom, but I don’t have reception in my dorm and so it’d be too complicated. So I just cut up one of my oranges in slices/chunks. The chunks are really nice, because they’re bite-sized and easy to de-peel with your mouth in one go. And now, after satisfying my craving for delicious, it’s time to go back to my physics homework.

P.S. I will probably only on a very rare circumstance offer you a bite of one of my Cara Cara oranges. If I do, I must be in a tremendously good mood (probably set up by the oranges, in fact) or really, really like you. Omg they’re so delicious I am going to go continue my nomnomnom now.

P.P.S. Upon rereading this blog, I realized I forgot to explain the cactus pear. So, apparently there’s this desert fruit called the cactus pear that’s pink or green on the outside, with little pokey things on the outside that look kind of similar to eyes on a potato. On the way to Ralph’s, I found two bucks on the (wet) ground, and picked it up to add to our adventure fund. At Ralph’s, we saw all these exotic fruits (including miniature pineapples!!!! Picture when Dennis sends it to me) so I utilized the adventure fund to purchase the least expensive one dollar cactus pear. We tried it later that night, and it was not delicious. It tasted like nothing (or maybe dragon fruit, which also coincidentally tastes like nothing). It had these little seeds inside of it, which made it difficult to eat as well as tasteless. It almost stained all of our clothes bright red, but didn’t. By the way, I looked up the fruits on wiki for those two links, and now I know that the cactus pear (Opuntia) as well as the Chinese dragon fruit (Pitaya) are both fruit of cacti. Maybe that’s why they tasted similar. Fancy that, you learn something new every day! Also, I think that Opuntia and Pitaya are weird fruit species names.

I finally got around to watching Garden State, with Natalie Portman and Zach Braff. I didn’t really know what to expect, and didn’t know anything about the plot or story line, but it was pretty clear from the first few minutes that it was one of those thoughtful movies, on the edge of Endless Sunshine of a Spotless Mind or Lost in Translation. I don’t remember liking either of those two, though, but heard good things from numerous people about Garden State, so I sat tight and watched it all the way through.

The movie took less than half an hour to peak my interest (strike my fancy!), and I really liked it by the end. Both Braff’s character, Andrew, and Portman’s Samantha had quirky personalities, and I totally saw and liked their sincerity. Although each of them had their problems, it seemed like their honesty led them to the right destination, and I guess it was inspiring to me. Recently I’ve noticed changes in my personality that I’m not too much a fan of - I’m not necessarily more dishonest, but I feel like I haven’t been expressing myself as much as I used to. As a result, I feel much less open, and less thoughtful, I guess? Personally, I think it takes away from my depth, one of the things that I used to enjoy exploiting so much. One of the reasons why I liked Garden State was because it seemed so regular, so normal for things to carry on the way they did in the movie. Sam and Andrew knew each other for only a number of days, yet they understood each other to the point where their relationship brought them to know who they were as individuals. That’s what I’m looking for, and I really hope I find it. It’s like finding someone to complete you, right? I guess after all, Garden State is just a love story for us hopeless romantics to add to our collection.

I finally caved in (cause of aforementioned cave-in was procrastination) and watched a few episodes of 30 Rock. And I have to admit, it is really funny. But I’m getting an equally good kick out of the commercials that stream with the episodes on IMDB… I’m having trouble deciding whether they’re too stupid to be good commercials. But hey, if it works, it works. Equally ridiculous:

There’s this girl who joined BruinLife yearbook this quarter - her name is Kelsey. She’s a first-year civil engineering student, minoring in applied math. And she knows exactly what she’s doing.

After our fifth edit night yesterday, she stayed in the office with us afterward, just chatting about herself. She told us about how she spends a lot of time with Triangle frat, because contrary to popular stereotypes, they’re actually really cool, not just intellectually extreme. Sure, they play chess on Friday nights, but just like any other frat, most other nights are spent playing beer pong. But that’s not what I was going to talk about. Tushar, one of four seniors on our staff, pointed out to her that she dispelled what for him was the idea of a typical south-campus engineering female student. She was outgoing, knew how to have fun, and didn’t seem to study too much for her own good. She didn’t seem like an engineer, he said. But a few minutes into any conversation with her, I think, would clearly define her as someone who’s not only motivated in just the right ways, but someone smart enough to succeed in the industry, despite the competition of being, well, an engineer.

And I noticed her talking about how she’s so glad to be doing what she’s doing, and I questioned myself. Am I really cut out for this? Am I really ready to take on engineering? I’m a second-year mechanical engineering student at UCLA, and I’ve barely gotten my feet wet in the field. I’m halfway through my first upper-division mechanical engineering class, and I don’t think my grade is even close to passing. The concepts lectured on in class don’t seem to be too difficult to understand, but then homework, quizzes, and midterms roll around and I realize I have no idea what I’m doing. Three weeks was enough for me to start considering changing my major to materials science and engineering, but then, what do you know, I take a quiz and place around 60th in a class of 70. Dream number two: shot down in a jiffy. Around the same time I decided to email the fine arts department, ask them what it would take to transfer. Not much, actually, just a 8-to-10 piece portfolio and an application due every fourth week of each quarter. But honestly, even that’s too far-fetched of a goal for me to handle. It’s ridiculous - I already know that art makes me happy, and yet something this close is still too far away. I can see the bigger picture (read: my happiness) but I’m not sure how to get there. I wish I could just be in the future already, because I’m tired of not being content, and then complaining about it.

Changing majors isn’t out of the question. It would be worth it, if I knew what I wanted to do. There’s a problem, though, in that statement. I don’t know what I want to do. Or maybe, there are too many things I want to do. Either way, I’m stuck in a quandary and I don’t even know which way to face. I wish somebody could point me in the right direction, and that I’d be okay with blindly following. I emailed my high school English teacher last week, telling her that I was confused about what I was studying - whether it was what I wanted to be doing or not. She encouraged me to try things out, because if I didn’t, I’d for sure not know if I liked it. She herself went through three majors before realizing that education was her path. But what about me? Am I going to get the same sort of sudden (or slow, whichever) realization of what I want to be doing? Because this sense of loss is seriously starting to get old.

My dad told me that even if it’s difficult, I shouldn’t give up. Sure, classes may be hard, schoolwork may be challenging, but so too is life. If I ran away now, I’d have nowhere to go. I can feel all the stress weighing me down and it wears me out. I tell myself that I shouldn’t be this tired, I should be better than this. I’m above the trifling hardships of school, and am good enough, prepared enough, for whatever else life has in store for me. But at the same time I can feel myself being weak, and thinking that there’s no way I can get around the gigantic obstacle that is college. All these conflicting opinions dancing around in my mind, and I wish I could just do it. I should be able to, though, because there’s nothing stopping me, right?

Except me. For some reason I’m not aware of, I’m unhappy. Maybe it’s the failure I’m not used to, possibly it’s the workload. It’s not even the future I’m worried about, it’s the present. How do I know if I’m just supposed to suck it up and deal, or if it’s too much for me to handle?

I really, really don’t know.

1. I don’t like to whistle, because when I was really really young, my grandpa heard me whistling and got mad at me, because he said it wasn’t feminine. Ever since then, I feel really awkward whistling in public, so I tend not to. If I do, though, nobody else can be whistling at the same time (lol) because then I just start cracking up. I don’t know why, haha.

2. I called one of my best friends Sophie a bitch (by accident) at our 8th grade graduation dance, and since then, I always feel really really really guilty when I swear at people. So I don’t.

3. I moved to China after my sophomore year in high school, and even though I disliked it at first, I ended up loving it for the people I met. ♥

4. I don’t take off the bracelet on my left wrist, ever. It’s from Mexico and I got it in 2003, I think. I also only take off my right-hand-middle-finger ring when I’m taking a shower. My sister and I have matching bands that we got um, a long time ago. I’m not exactly sure when…high school sometime?

5. I love Mangos. Need I say more?

6. I don’t have anything against people who smoke or drink or do drugs, unless it affects them emotionally. Then I see the weakness as something that they should aim to get over and fix. An addiction to a drug is not much worse or unhealthy than an addiction to say, the Internet or academics or food.

7. It’s a rare occurrence for me to be angry because I try my best to be logical about my actions. Too bad anger is detrimental to logic…but I try to make sense most of the time.

8. My sister and I have been really close since around the time I entered high school. She says that I’m the only one who can make her laugh until her stomach hurts, but I think that when I’m around her, I become funnier than usual. There are a lot of similarities between us, mostly emotional tendencies and such, but we’re also really different in a lot of ways.

9. The first popular song I heard was Eminem’s Sing for the Moment. When I took summer school at Kennedy (art classes after 8th grade, the first time I ever took classes over the summer) Kristen was sketching RedXIII on the back of printed lyrics, and I was really struck by them. The first bands I got into were Limp Bizkit and Sum41.

10. I met my high school counselor at ISB the summer before I started there, and when Ms Strachan met me, she proclaimed how cute I was and predicted that I’d gather a harem of boys at ISB. She was so right - ten guys asked me to Winter formal that year. And I rejected all of them.

11. Both my pinky-toe-nails are like, messed up and ugly. Some kind of recessive gene or something. But as a result, I’m really really self-conscious about my feet. In fact, I really dislike all feet, I think they’re really gross.

12. I really like nicknames, I think they’re cute. Rohit calls me Jenny-bean, a leftover nickname from an old friend I think, but either way, I like it.

13. (Kind of related to the previous one but) When I was young, like in elementary/middle school, I used to use the name Emily as a fake name for my (geocities?) website. “To keep my identity safe” or something like that. And my name when I played was Maybelle Beigamiller.

14. I never got pimples until I came to college.

15. I color-code my notes. Different classes’ colors correspond to my opinion about the class (haha). Like math is boring, so it’s black/graphite. I was really excited for my materials class, so it’s brown. Physics last year needed to feel more exciting than it was, so orange. Mechanical 101 is dark blue, because I knew I needed to take it seriously.

16. I don’t like being late, at all. It sucks, because it’s like people decide on a time and then it gets gypped and it’s lame. It’s kind of stupid because my parents aren’t as sensitive to time as I am, so when I was young I’d get annoyed a lot at my parents for lagging behind and making us late to any event. But at the same time, I’m usually really lax about time. After all, it’s just some concept that everybody in the world is in on, right?

17. I’m a compulsive shopper. I buy a lot of material goods, and don’t get buyer’s remorse. Which is really bad because then I keep buying things and therefore am not as monetarily endowed as I wish. But as a trade-off, I’ve got some pretty awesome stuff!

18. My first kiss experience was really lame. It happened on Halloween of my senior year, and for some reason I don’t remember, I was mad at my boyfriend-at-the-time Woonghee, so I kissed him out of spite. Which doesn’t make much sense, but I rarely do. It was an okay kiss, I guess. He walked me to my bus, and then he told me I looked really good (in my costume) or something, and then I kissed him again. That second kiss was so much better than my first, seriously. I just needed one warm-up kiss and since then I’ve been a natural

19. I use the word hate about as often as love (both quite rarely) because I feel like it’s uncommon to experience things to the extreme points of hate or love. Hence, I say “really like” and “really don’t like” a lot.

20. At Zhangjiajie (Junior year China Studies, it’s like a required class trip at the end of the year) when we were singing around the campfire, one of my classmates, George, told me that I had a really nice voice. So then I was going to sing at our mutual friends’ joint (YungLam, Jade, Crystal, and somebody?) birthday party but then I wimped out and didn’t. I don’t think my voice is that amazing, but I don’t think it’s bad either.

21. I’m a light sleeper, but I don’t mind waking up or being woken up. I like to stay up and talk to people, and could do it forever if given the opportunity. My longest phone call lasted from 11pm to 7am - that was super intense and awesome.

22. When cereal-shopping for the first time for college, I accidentally bought Honey Bunches of Oats because I thought they were Shredded Wheat, which Esther used to eat in China. But then I really liked them so I bought them again and again. And now I have both Post Shredded Wheat and Honey Bunches of Oats in my dorm room!

23. One of my favorite things to do ever is to learn about people. I people watch, I talk and ask questions and genuinely care about the answers. There have been a lot of unanswered (and unasked) questions, but I hope to find the answers…eventually.

24. We called our group of friends at Lynbrook “HCOF,” which stood for Huge Clomp of Friends. It essentially fell apart when I moved to China, but we had such a good time together freshman year. I miss it. But instead of having the false hope of it being rekindled, I look forward to other friendships of mine getting stronger.

25. I absolutely love art, and what it means to me (because it pretty much means everything). I’m sad for my unfinished poker deck design, because it doesn’t seem like I’ll finish it any time soon. I’m glad that I had the advantage of an art program at ISB which allowed for virtually free reign along with research that I otherwise wouldn’t have done. I often regret not putting together a portfolio when I applied to colleges, and wish I did give myself the option of attending an art school.

Ashley Thorfinnson is a grad student at Pratt studying Industrial Design. Her Bowl for a Balanced Meal concept is really great, and the design was carried out so well, too. The bowl is designed to tilt toward the person eating from it, so that as you eat, the leftover food becomes closer to you and easier to access. I like the minimalist and simple style a lot, and if you go to her portfolio site, you can see her design development and original concept. Industrial Design is so cool - form and function go hand-in-hand, and as an end result you get some awesome products. Maybe, just maybe, this is my future?

(Source.)

I should be studying for my two midterms next week, but instead I just uploaded 20-odd pictures to my portfolio site, Mint. I also decided that the photography subsection of Mint was getting too large, so I moved all the photos to a separate page. I hope that isn’t too confusing, but I hope I have time to design a different page solely for my portfolio of digital photography.