my feet hurt

I can’t wait to begin and attempt completion of my 13.1 miles on Sunday so I can be less obligated to run three times a week. My feet hurt as if I just spent the entire day at Disneyland waiting in lines… Weird that I’m only just starting to feel this? Or maybe my running posture has been changing slightly. Whatever six more days!!!!

I am just trying to the best person I can be, to “all parties involved” but if that means being subjected to this stress of receiving the wrong kind of unwanted attraction then I am sick of it and I have to make some changes and not be that person anymore. This is not what I want and please go away. I’m not sorry. This is for me.

Why can’t people just say what they mean to say and do what they want to do, instead of regretting their words and actions that hurt the ones they care about? Makes life simple. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s the devastating feeling of being lost, lacking understanding of a situation that hurts.

You mumbled an “I love you” that morning when we woke up together, with the sunlight streaming in from the window with the gray blinds, and when I flabbergastedly said “What?” you pretended like you didn’t say anything at all, and it was so strange, and I don’t know if it’s only in hindsight that I see it so clearly – that what we had was so easy and real, and unpolluted by all these other variables, and the situation was just so, such that we could be ourselves, whoever we wanted to be. I might have found myself that summer, because those were some of the best weeks of my life, and I see now that I’ve migrated towards that set of personality traits, from that time where I didn’t have a worry in the world. Maybe you had chosen to be that someone for me, and now the reason why none of is recognize you is because you are really actually someone else. That’s ok, I will still only remember you as I do. Probably because I don’t have a choice.

This archived footage surfaced because I can’t sleep and I was thinking about my new cardholder wallet that I took from Stanley, and how it doesn’t compare at all to my old EX RUGS & OCK’N’ROLL one, which cost me $50 at that store where Jaemin got her Freitag bag in New York, and there were two of them but I chose that one specifically because it almost said “sex” on it. Ah, the good old days.

eric carle


I’m naming this little dummy Eric Carle after the one who has been inspiring his adventures through my tomato plant’s leaves lately. I first met him a few days ago but just sprayed him with a little soapy water… apparently he enjoyed the bath and stuck around. Today I saw him (double his original size!) inching from eaten leaf to fresh leaf, picked him up, and exiled him to the other side of the apartment complex. I’m giving him a chance to find a new home before I throw him off the balcony.

oops

I’ve been making absolutely no effort to un-jetlag myself. Woke up at 1pm yesterday and noon today. I was planning on going into lab today to get back to work but whoop I guess it’ll have to wait till Monday. No point in re-seeding my tunnel if it’s just gonna have to wait till Monday for testing, right? Right.

Actually maybe I’m not jetlagged but just relishing the fact that I can be sleeping in. But I will be pseudo productive today, gonna make a timeline for research so I will be done by the end of the quarter.