Big update on my life aka Making decisions about the Future:

A couple weeks ago, I decided that I would apply for graduate school this fall. Maybe for some it seems like an obvious decision, but I’ve always had problems deciding what I really want to do, and whether or not it’ll really make me happy. It’s important that I do something I enjoy, you see, because I don’t want to end up wasting years of my life on something that doesn’t satisfy me.

Okay well it’s not that big of a decision to apply, but the big deal is that I’m going to apply to primarily Industrial/Product design programs. I’m not leaving out engineering just yet, as I’ve looked into a couple of fun-sounding Masters programs (Sustainable Energy Technology @ Delft U, the Netherlands) and still want to give it a chance. I’m not considering any PhD programs, because I don’t think I can handle more than three more years of school. But I am definitely considering out-of-country schools (I’ve been wanting to study abroad since forever).

I started with this list of top design and business schools. I cut out the business schools (because my plan is to become a starving successful artist) and have been doing research on the rest of the schools. Things like, when applications are due, what kind of portfolio is required, how many recs are needed, if I need to be fluent in Portuguese… Right now, my list is 22 universities long. After combing through it one more time, I’ll post the considerations and keep thinking.

I think I’ll be riding on the excitement of actually doing what I want to do for the next couple months. It feels great, and I love it.

Write a one to two page self-recommendation letter. Include academic successes and whether you feel your grades are reflective of your abilities. Also include work experience, greatest strength, professional interests in Lockheed Martin, your involvement with SWE, and other qualities that will help you succeed as a student and as an engineer. *Disclaimer: I wrote this in one hour without proofreading, because it was due soon and I hadn’t originally planned on applying.

      In my three years at UCLA so far, I have taken note of the hundreds if not thousands of ways to develop my character and build academic excellence. Unfortunately, it would not be possible for me to take advantage of the extreme myriad of opportunities, and hence I have had to make sacrifices in certain aspects of my college career to foster the development of others. Despite the opportunities I may have lost, I still feel as if the choices I made have given me the best possible collegiate experience thus far. The importance of having both academia and extracurricular activities well-balanced during one’s undergraduate career has always been clear to me.
      After adjusting to college during my freshman year, I was able to quickly rise in the ranks of the clubs I was involved in. As my sophomore year began, I was appointed one of two co-editor-in-chiefs of the UCLA BruinLife Yearbook as well as the site director of the Casa Heiwa and Angelina Mentorship Program (CHAMPs). Although both groups taught me the importance of teamwork and communication, it was definitely my experience as a leader in BruinLife Yearbook that gave me the most vital knowledge that I knew would prepare me for the rest of my life.
      As editor-in-chief for two years, I was repeatedly faced with unexpected challenges. Hence I learned the importance of versatility in problem-solving. In a very time-sensitive environment, I adapted well to fluctuations of stress and pressure, and was able to produce the 2009 and 2010 BruinLife yearbooks on schedule as expected. There was a tremendous amount of responsibility on my shoulders as a student leader in the ASUCLA Student Media department, yet I was able to handle external relationships and endure through the “politics” of the system effectively. In addition to working well with liaisons outside of the department to ensure the smooth production of the yearbook, I also learned to value the connections made within our staff.
      Because of the time commitment that being part of BruinLife entailed, I was not able to focus all of my attention on academics. Although I do not regret spending more time on schoolwork and studying, I would have benefited greatly from learning to manage my time better earlier on in the year.
      Having honed my time management skills by the beginning of this year, I chose to join both the Engineering Society of UCLA (ESUC) as well as the Society of Women Engineers (SWE). In ESUC, I took on the position of assistant secretary for one term before acquiring the position of internal vice president. In SWE, I am the Webmaster-elect for the 2010 to 2011 school year. Although my duties have not yet been completely established, I hope to create a strong on-line presence for SWE next year.
      By joining groups whose main focuses pertain to my major, I hoped to be able to gain experience that would help me in my future career as an engineer. In addition to joining both engineering clubs, I also began to take electives in the field of mechanical engineering as well as conduct research under an advising professor. I was fortunately able to discover and harness my specific interests in the broad field in a short period of time. I hope to work at a large company such as Lockheed Martin which would offer room for self-development while providing guidance. Because my interests in mechanical engineering are in fluid dynamics and energy, it would be ideal for me to work in the industry for a company that has a strong connection to those topics.
      As a well rounded mechanical engineering student who is very self-motivated, I feel as if I am a good candidate for the SWE-UCLA Lockheed Martin Scholarship. In addition to being a focused individual regarding academics, I also understand and practice the use of “soft” skills such as punctual communication and leadership capabilities. These qualities and beliefs make me a unique individual who is well-suited for higher opportunities with Lockheed Martin.

I just have to put it out there that I think my blog design is totally cooler than this one. Although I see that he came out with his about a year before I did, but still. I did not reference this other layout, and totally made mine from scratch, thank you very much. But having seen this other layout, I guess it’s time for me to upgrade! (Next quarter’s project for sure.)

And since I’m already blogging, I may as well continue. Finals are next week… I have two on Monday, one on Wednesday. and then heading back to San Joshizzle and then Chicago with Harmony! Then I get to see my sister in Michigan yayyyyy!

I got out of bed at twelve today. It’s the first Saturday in a lot of Saturdays that I didn’t set an alarm. In fact, I decidedly put my phone on silent last night so I wouldn’t be electronically awoken. I’m on a quest to find a analog alarm clock, because there’s something about being woken up by media devices that just doesn’t feel nice.

Kency and I signed our lease for our apartment next year! It’s fantastically inexpensive and close to campus. My only woe is the tiny-ass kitchen, but alas, lots more pros cancel out that single con. And I’m confident that we can spice it up to make it nicer and more open. I’ve already started dreaming about my room and our new place (read: SHAG RUG??? TOTO CUBE LAMP?!?) but realize that it’s going to be pricey making it perfect. So here starts a self-imposed anti-spending campaign. For the future.

Also my small group of friends form ISB class of 2007 have started planning our three-year reunion! Why we chose three, I don’t know, but it’s tentatively happening HERE, NOW, UCLA. And by that I really mean this summer sometime in LA. Can’t wait to see everyone again.

And now it’s back to studying.

I play both sides of the court. I tell people not to worry about their grades, because the numbers and letters don’t define your future. I’m also a firm believer that if you go to class and understand the subject material, it’s not as important to stay up late finishing every homework problem or cramming for a test. If you truly understand, good grades will come naturally.

I think I’ve decided that both opinions are greatly flawed. Grades do matter, and it’s possible to totally understand everything a professor says and still fail a written test of that knowledge.

This quarter has been a bad one for me so far. as much as I try (which I’ll admit could be a bit more), I can’t seem to foster any interest in the subject material of three of my classes. It’s as expected, then, I guess, that I didn’t do so hot on both my midterms. (The third class I wish I could quit is a lab.)

I used to have the hopeful mindset that all it took to be successful in life was good morals and a strong conviction. A handful of standardized tests and bad test scores later, alongside my waning future on the line, it’s hard to stay retain that naivete.

I guess having aspirations make it that much harder to be content. I know I’ll at the very least graduate with a bachelor’s in engineering. Even so, having that confidence only calms me for a few minutes. Because I want to be guaranteed my future, and not knowing my options shatter the bit of comfort I’ve found during undergrad in the last three years.

According to a random sample survey (read: asking people I knew in my classes yesterday) my GPA is pathetically low. I know I’m supposed to be content knowing that I’m able to maintain a B average at a prestigious and difficut university like UCLA, especially while studying mechanical engineering, but it’s hard not to care about letter grades and grade point averages when that’s all that defines a student. My resume may have slightly more than the average student, having held a formidable leadership position with BruinLife yearbook for two years. But held against someone else’s resume with a fantastic GPA, which is the very definition if smart (even according to my book) I can’t help but feel insecure. Someone might even see my focus on extracurriculars as a fault of not being dedicated to my higher education.

I have never been and am still not good at prioritizing. There’s much more than a fine line between a good person and a successful one. I know I’m a strong individual. I tend to be relatively cognizant of the situations that surround me. But it’s hard for me to find motivation and dedication to the important things that will decidedly define my comfortable (or not) future. School leads to more school leads to work and it might just be too late for a significant improvement in the one year I have left of my undergraduate career. I’ve got to step it up now to uncloud my very obscure later. I’ll just do the best I can from here on out, right?

A Considerable Speck
Robert Frost

A speck that would have been beneath my sight
On any but a paper sheet so white
Set off across what I had written there.
And I had idly poised my pen in air
To stop it with a period of ink
When something strange about it made me think.
This was no dust speck by my breathing blown,
But unmistakably a living mite
With inclinations it could call its own.
It paused as with suspicion of my pen,
And then came racing wildly on again
To where my manuscript was not yet dry;
Then paused again and either drank or smelt –
With loathing, for again it turned to fly.
Plainly with an intelligence I dealt.
It seemed too tiny to have room for feet,
Yet must have had a set of them complete
To express how much it didn’t want to die.
It ran with terror and with cunning crept.
It faltered; I could see it hesitate;
Then in the middle of the open sheet
Cower down in desperation to accept
Whatever I accorded it of fate.

I have none of the tenderer-than-thou
Collectivistic regimenting love
With which the modern world is being swept.
But this poor microscopic item now!
Since it was nothing I knew evil of
I let it lie there till I hope it slept.

I have a mind myself and recognize
Mind when I meet with it in any guise.
No one can know how glad I am to find
On any sheet the least display of mind.

So today I was in EE110L, and as I was calibrating my Lissajous plot with the function generator off (so all there was on the oscilloscope was a tiny dot that I needed to center) and then I make a reference to Frost’s A Considerable Speck and then I came home roughly four hours later and took a shower and then realized something!

I truly appreciate my teachers form ISB a lot more than those who taught me back at Lynbrook. I guess in a class size of about 600, it just didn’t seem necessary to get close to a teacher who I would never impress in room of 35 students. At ISB, there were never more than 20 students in a classroom, when a maximum of 50 students were taking each subject. I got to know my teachers, and they got to know me. It definitely was a different environment to go back and visit ISB after I graduated. When I visit Lynbrook, the only teacher I chat with is Mr. Kitchen, my Japanese teacher form sophomore year. And he probably doesn’t remember what I was like in his class. Likely, he knows me only from the things we talk about when I visit. At ISB, I definitely know that my chemistry and English teachers will remember me as the student I was, to which they’ll add on my post-high school self.

Maybe it was a product of the IB system where each IB class lasted two years. Having Mrs. Carlson and Mr. Beckstead really defined my view on English and chemistry now. If I hadn’t been exposed to their enthusiasm for their subjects for two years each, I wouldn’t have as much interest in the subjects today. And I definitely wouldn’t make the intelligent literary references I do now nor would I want to continue studying chemistry if it weren’t for those teachers.

I guess what I’m saying is that we’re all a product of our experiences and exposures. Maybe my private school experience gave me major advantages I just didn’t think about until today. Teacher-student relationships are such a big deal - I’m thankful to have experienced a glimpse of what all education should be like.

Deck is ALL FINISHED. Well, almost. I still have to decide what text to put underneath the joker, but I’ve sketched out some handwritten font for “54 cards designed by jennwang” and I think it’ll look nice I’m probably won’t be making any major changes, but if there’s something about the royalties in this image that really, really bothers you, I’ll still take it into consideration. I’ve done some research and will probably be printing my cards in China. It’s much cheaper than I had originally planned, so I’l be printing something like 150 decks, I think. Not completely sure yet. But this is exciting! (Also, I updated the photography section on Derek Powazek. It’s clean and simple, and definitely looks nice, but now that three people on my RSS feed use the same theme, I guess I’ve just lost appreciation for it. I’m glad that his design gained so much popularity, and I’m a big fan of minimalist design (Muji, Ikea, Apple…) but I don’t think it’s meant for the everyman. I guess I feel like the creative nature of minimalism is diminished once it becomes too readily available to the masses. If you’ve seen my room, I have organized (sometimes) clutter everywhere, and try to use layers and patterns often. Minimalism as a style is evolving to become the norm, and I don’t like that. Like, frosting is delicious as an accent, but definitely not as a main dish.

Classes this quarter have been so-so. My 107 (Modeling Dynamic Systems) professor is unclear during lecture as well as in his homework assignments, so it’s hard to follow his thought process and hence subject material. I like the labs though, because I’m really excited to learn how to use Matlab. 156A (Strengths of Structures) is only interesting to me because if it’s relations to materials science. 136 (Energy & Environment) is my favorite class so far because of the very apparent application. We spend half the class-time discussing various topics (so far, just global warming as a crisis or not) and the other half learning the “engineering” behind things like solar power and engines. It’s my second (and last) elective, and I’m glad I decided to take it. Lastly, EE100L just sucks. I barely understand simple circuits, and applying those concepts is… really difficult. I hope I can just get through it though… it’s the last EE class I’ll ever have to take!

My head hurts, maybe from typing in Dvorak on a Qwerty keyboard and having to re-orientate myself every time I accidentally look down. Speaking of Qwerty, my Dad gave me his old iPod Touch! What apps should I download?

I got my first A in an upper division MAE class! (Besides 182A, but that’s math, so it doesn’t really count, and it was an A-.) Yay for fluid mechanics!! Too bad I don’t have space in my schedule for more electives, because I would totally take more classes in the 150 series. (Actually, I could take the engineering science breadth, I guess…) As for the rest of my grades…they’re not out yet

In other news, I spent a few hours making a new index page so go admire the mouseover effects!

Winter break resolutions - I have three weeks to DO THESE THINGS. Plenty of time!

• Seriously, finalize the back of my deck.
• Send out holiday cards!
• Buy materials from OSH for my indoor garden, and possibly get started.
• Burn through multiple rolls of film with Wesley’s Pentax film camera!
• But first I need to buy batteries and film for it. And read the manual.
• Start on a new art project!
• Try to lose some tummy… :[
• Maybe some other things, too.

Time to GET TO IT!

I just recorded my dog snoring on my phone, haha. So cute

I remember back in the day when I used to blog a couple times a week, just to update cyberspace with the important happenings in my life. Things are so obviously different now - are my priorities different, or does nothing important happen? Let’s just say it’s a mixture of the two so I don’t have to let my thoughts linger on either one.

I think I mention this every couple months or so… but I’ll say it again since it crossed my mind recently. There’s a website called FutureMe.org that allows you to write an email to yourself that won’t be sent until the date you specify. I discovered the site in the middle of my freshman year, so to be cool, I waited a few weeks until leap day. On the rare 29th of February, I wrote myself an email in which, if I recal correctly, I described the person I was and my aspirations and goals. The last thing in the email was a list of names of people that I hoped I would keep in touch with by the time I recieved the email.

I’m one of those people that spends a lot of their spare time thinking. My mind wanders from old friends to new friends, how and why things change, mysterious futures, and how and where I think I’ll end up. I don’t often regret the things that have happened (as a direct or indirect result of my own actions) but there are a few distinct occasions that I’ll probably remember for a really, long time. I’ll remember them until long past after I receive that email in two years.

How did I decide what was important enough that I would want to ensure my memory of it in four years? I’m forgetful, indecisive, and extremely fickle even after a decision has been made. (I always wonder, are those the characteristics of most female teenagers?) I often find myself asking other people whether they really think they’re doing the right thing, where the “right” thing is the one that would give them the most happiness. I am totally aware that for many (like myself), it’s difficult to make a selfish decision. If a path taken leads to one’s own happiness but someone else’s suffering, is it still the correct one? I think in the end, despite the disparities in defining rightness or wrongness, it must be the most selfish decision that one sticks to. Others will/should adjust accordingly. If someone else’s happiness clashes with mine, well, I guess we just have to fight for it. In such a situation, avoidance means losing. If that’s your thing, then by all means, take the next exit to avoid the upcoming crash.

I’ve been involved in a handful of hypothetical accidents, and have done some swerving. I’d like to hope that the road I’m on continues to be as well-paved as it has been. Maybe it’s still under construction, but I haven’t come to that point yet. For now, I know where my next cue point is, and will be making my way towards it in the mean time.

-

Now that it’s the end of the quarter and all I have to do is study and review what I’ve learned, I’m definitely realizing how amazing my classes have been this quarter. Now that I’m deeply nested in upper division courses, everything applies and relates to each other. The importance of the subject material is obvious, which makes it easier to concentrate. My CAD class, although frustrating and time consuming, definitely taught me something worthwhile. I made a Ford Model T for my final project. Heat/mass transfer is so applicable to… everything… that it makes me proud of being an engineer. It’s awesome to realize how and why the physical changes to your environment are happening. And fluids, although slightly less applicable, are still fantastic.

I attended a seminar held by Eric King, who recently got his PhD from the Earth & Space department at UCLA. Our MAE department organized a series of seminars in the field of Fluids/Thermo this quarter, and I noticed a poster for this one and decided to go. I was lucky enough to chance upon one where the presenter explained things in a way that undergrads not well-versed in the field would still understand. He talked about the effect of rotation on the vertical convection of heat - ie, how heat from the rotating earth’s core reached the surface. He proposed a new method of differentiating weak and rigourous rotation, and how they affected convection. I’m glad to have gone - maybe in a few years I’ll find his name next to a correlation in a textbook.

Although I’ve only taken a few classes on the topics of heat transfer and fluid dynamics, I can pretty surely say that it’s the field I’ll be staying in. I definitely wouldn’t mind going on to graduate school to do research in the field, or something. Dynamics are definitely not my thing, and structures aren’t really more interesting than the next topic. So… we’ll see. Next step: finding an undergrad research opportunity.

I wasn’t going to blog so soon after that last one, but today was an awesome lecture day, despite my first prof being annoyed that none of us were participating and my second prof being flustered about having her notes mixed up. It was awesome because the material that I’m learning in the two classes I had today (150A - Intermediate Fluid Dynamics and 105D - Transport Phenomena) matched up almost perfectly. In fact, I really turned to Yuko during 105D and said, “Mechanical engineering is awesome!” during class. So just to share my (almost sudden) amazing appreciation for the concentration, here are pages from my notes from today!

This is from 105D! We just started a new topic today, convection, and it’s really crazily similar to fluid dynamics. Because the way that convection (conduction + advection) works is through bulk motion, which is generally caused by the flow of some fluid or other mass.

This is from 150A! Actually these are my notes from last week, but today we just went into deriving formulas so there weren’t any cool diagrams. Look at the velocity profile in the middle! It’s exactly (almost) the same as the one from 105D! Also, check out that airfoil. It’s SO REAL.

In 150A today we basically derived the definition of viscosity (via the viscous stress tensor) and in 105D we’re doing other things like temperature/concentration gradients and stuff, but they’re both talking about the same thing. They’re both just solving the boundary layer conditions between the surface of an object and a free stream. I love how applicable these things are. It’s fantastic.

Okay, that’s all. I’m done nerding it up, now it’s time for my third nap of the day. (I am sick and I have a midterm on Wednesday. I’m cutting three classes tomorrow to sleep and study, woot.) Oh yeah and sorry that the photo quality sucks, but I was really excited to blog today, haha.

Because it’s already been two years and I’ve dutifully passed all my classes so far, I decided that I will put the necessary effort into my undergraduate schooling in order to acquire my bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering. It is decidedly too late to change majors or transfer to a different school, so I am going to finish what I started here. That’s one thing I’m sure of.

Following that, things get a bit foggier. From what I can see, here are my choices…

1. Apply to art school. This would (in most cases) require me to spend at least 6 months preparing a portfolio and/or taking the GRE. I’ve narrowed down my subjects of interest to advertising, graphic design, and industrial design. My summer studies course in ID at RISD last summer was amazing, but I’m afraid that I’ll fail out of the competitiveness of getting into art school…

2. Apply to business school. I’m just throwing this in here because if I’m going to turn my life around and apply to art school, why not look in the other direction? This choice requires taking the GMAT. Also, I have no idea if I can foster/have inherent interest in the subject material.

3. Apply to grad school in engineering. I am most definitely afraid that the difficulty of engineering will be too much for me to handle, and I will quickly lose motivation and interest. So I think this choice would be the worst.

4. Take a few (one or two) years off and (hopefully) get a job, gather my thoughts, figure out what I want to do. I need to take my GRE regardless of what I decide I’m doing. If I decide within this time that I do want to go to art school, I should be building my portfolio.

I like to help people. I like to teach people things and share my experiences. I enjoy learning about historical stylistic trends, and do research on various eras and artists in my free time. I like to build and create and utilize my resources to make something to share. I like to think and make other people think and consider and have some of impact on everyone else.

5. Get my teaching credentials and attempt to make my way as a starving teacher. When I was in middle school and high school, I was convinced that I’d be the best third grade teacher ever. I thought about what I like doing, and what I’m good at, and maybe, after all, teaching really is my calling.

6. Apply for Teach For America and possibly teach in a far away place. Maybe while I’m taking part in the two (?) year system, I’ll build my portfolio and/or decide what I’m going to do for reals.

It’s weird, because when I was in middle school and high school in California, teaching was the only future for me. When I started high school in China, so many things in my life changed so quickly, that I guess I forgot about my prospective teaching career. I took art seriously, because that’s where I found my friends and the best experiences. I discovered the hobby that fit my personality, and stuck with it, which is why, I guess, I feel like art should be in my future. I guess I should be considering the best of both (or all three?) worlds. Teach art. It might be amazing. But then where does engineering come in? I don’t dislike the subject, usually. I like the facts and structures and how concrete engineering is. Is that also an essential part of my personality?

So I’ve been perfecting my resume lately, in the hopes of landing an internship next year. It’s interesting, because only by making it did I realize that I don’t do anything related to my major. The only noteworthy thing on my resume is the fact that I’m EIC of yearbook. But what does that tell people about me? I feel like it shows that I’m really not an engineer at heart. That I’m not really into it. That’s hardly the best thing to expound when looking for an engineering internship… so should I be doing more mechanica engineer-y things, or should I be looking for a different future?

I guess I’ve been studying this for three years, and it deserves a shot. I’ve been planning on finding an engineering internship to get the experience under my belt regardless, so I guess after I graduate is when the real decisions get to be made.

Until then, I guess…

*CRY OF FRUSTRATION*